Years ago, I used to adore many people with their achievement. I used to think that the point of living this world is to be smart, to make much money, to have a lot of friends and a family that i will be proud of.

I start to try working hard on my first career, making a lot of friends there. Until one day, I realized. The more I make a lot of friends, the more I know about their life and what has been going, on them. I feel like I was just wasting my time not to be grateful of my own.

Making money, driving a nice car in a young age, having many friends, living in a nice rent house. I didn't even realize i was that blessed. And what makes it even worst is I just realized it the moment before I submit the resignation letter.

Things were going in and out of my head. I felt so empty inside. I thought I have a lot of people by myside. But I was just all alone. Things were slowly killing me. Things I thought were right, was wrong. And that's how it goes.

What is the point of life when you have achieve many things in life, but you lost the meaning of being a human? When people around you slowly become enemy? When people around you are not actually what you expect, all this time? Having to hurt people, living in a world that take away your gratefulness, making you couldn't even realize that you're 100 times blessed than you ever realized.

Sampai pada satu titik, dimana aku merasa berada sudah sangat jauh di bawah titik nol, bahkan lebih buruk. Rasanya penyakit hati lebih mendominasi isi jiwa dibanding pikiran pikiran positif. Aku sudah terlalu jauh dari Allah. Banyak orang yang aku sakiti oleh sikapku, karena aku tidak tahu lagi bagaimana cara hidup dengan benar.

Apa ini yang akan menjadi masa depanku? Apa aku bisa hidup berkeluarga dengan kualitas ku sebagai manusia yang seperti ini?

What the point of making a lot of money, but in the end they were just wasted for somehing that would heal your scars inside your soul? When you're not in a good shape? What the point of having many friends, when they can somehow become your enemies anytime?

But when I decided to loose them all, am I ready to take the risk behind? Can I face the people I love? Would I be able to have this memory as a wound in my life?

Or... maybe I was just thinking too far about what will be happen when I choose what I thought was right for my life? When it was just a simple yes, or not.

But now, even things are still not very clear to see, my soul is getting better, my patience is much stronger than I ever had before. I know how to save, I know where do I start to prepare. Orang orang di sekitar ku menjadi lebih sedikit, tapi lebih memiliki arti. Di saat orang lain sakit hati dengan melampiaskan ke orang lain, aku mulai belajar untuk melampiaskannya dengan tulisan. Tidak perlu menyakiti untuk menghilangkan rasa sakit. Tidak perlu tahu banyak untuk bisa hidup dengan tenang. Tidak perlu uang banyak untuk bisa menabung.